Sufferings

 Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

I came across the verse, 1:6, one morning and it stuck with me for a couple days. It was about three days later I got a call that was devastating to me. My summer plans had just fallen apart and I had no earthly idea what I was going to do. For the past three months, I thought I was preparing myself to go into this internship and to minister to high school kids, showing them Jesus’ love. I had gotten so excited for what God was going to do in me for the summer. And then all of the sudden, I got the call saying I did not get the internship.

I could have given up on all the preparing Christ was doing in me the past months but I chose not to. This verse reminded me, ‘Kathryn, God started preparing you three months ago, He is not just going to give up and walk out on His preparations for you.’  Although I did not get the internship that I thought and believed would help me in my walk with Christ, does not mean there is no hope for me.

When Christ died on the cross, His work for us began. When we first believed, His work in us began. Now we have the Holy Spirit living in us. It is through the Holy Spirit we will grow in grace until He has completed his work in our lives.  God is so much bigger than the things on this earth. This includes His love for us. It can be so easy for the Devil to knock us down making us fill discouraged through earthly things. When we feel discouraged, we must remember, God’s love for us is bigger and He will not give up on us. Yeah, it might stink when we don’t get something we believe we should, but we must remind ourselves how much greater God’s plans are for us. When life doesn’t go how we thought, look to God and trust in His ways. Look at it as an opportunity to grow in your faith while you wait on His plans to unfold. Because He, who began a good work in us, will carry it out and we get to put our faith and hope in His works.

The day after I read verse 6, I read verse 29, For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to surfer for him.

In my study bible underneath verse 29 it states: Paul considered it a privilege to suffer for Christ. When times of suffering occur, if we faithfully represent Christ, our example and our message affect others and us for good. Suffering has these benefits-

1)   It takes our eyes off of earthly comforts.

2)   It weeds out superficial believers

3)   It strengthens the faith of those who endure

4)   It serves as an example to others who may follow us

When we suffer for our faith, it does not mean that we have done something wrong. In fact, it verifies that we have been faithful. Use suffering to build your character. Don’t resent it or let it tear you down.

I share this with y’all because after I got that phone call, my mind instantly went back to what I had read the days before. And it was through His word that gave me the strength and courage to put my faith in Him. When looking at the world’s view, it all could so easily make me feel hopeless and want to give up on Him. Having His word in me provided me with the hope in His reasons. Instead of giving up and walking away, I looked at it as an opportunity for my faith in Him to be tested and to grow. Because He who began a good work in me, will not give up. My prayers now are for the summer ahead of me, which I have no idea what is in store. But I know He does, and my faith is in Him.

Wherever you are today, don’t give up on His works within you. If things aren’t going your way and they make you feel discouraged, remind yourself God is so much bigger than the things on this earth. Let your faith in Him grow; let Him teach you how to grow in His grace.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:15-16

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are you being yourself?

     As I entered college two questions kept coming up in my thoughts, are you being yourself and are you truly living for Christ as you say you want to? The first semester I would put them aside and make excuses for them. When I would make excuses the main one that kept occurring consisted of, 'I am still young, I don't know everything, and I have a lot more to learn.' I am ashamed for making those excuses because in reality I kept searching for knowing it all. And what is so beautiful of God's work, He doesn't call us to know it all. He calls us to act upon what we already know. In Philippians 3:16 it says, Only let us live up to we have already attained. He calls us to live out what we have learned and by doing so we will learn even more.

     Over Christmas break, I had time to reflect on those questions. I could not make anymore excuses and I am so thankful Christ gave me a month of not much going on in my life so I could sit and reflect on them. In verse 17, Paul tells us, Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep our eyes on those who live as we do. Over that month, my sister and I had a lot of time we spent in our rooms together. Through being around her, I saw the joy and trust she had in the Lord. And as I thought back to her college years, that joy and trust in the Lord remained in her. She was able to be herself and say no to earthly things. Her eyes were fixed upon Christ. God encouraged me through her college years that I too can come back to Auburn and be myself and to live all for Him and not for earthly things. It was being surrounded by earthly things that kept making me feel it was impossible to get out of.

     I am going to be honest with y'all, there had to be a change. There had to be a change in so many areas of my life where I had been living for earthly things before. Those changes were not necessarily easy, they were rather hard. At times it felt like I was traveling upstream by myself. However, I had God and His word which I kept falling back onto. He kept getting me through each situation and He continues to do so. When my heart desired to be myself, it hurt because not many of the friends I had made had the same desires I had. It was during that time, I realized many of the people in my life had their eyes more concerned for earthly things. Being around them everyday made that battle upstream seem impossible. It began to wear me out by always telling them no. I began to question, is there anyone who desires are like mine? I kept praying and asking for those people to be brought into my life. 

     This past weekend, I had the opportunity to camp with a group of people with the same desires I had. God kept encouraging me to go. But I was hesitant because I only knew one person out of the 12 people. And those 12 people had all known each other. However, I ended up going because God assured me He was going to comfort me and get me through it. So, as I was there and we were around the campfire, I was able to hear them talk and they all shined the desire to live for the Lord and they do.

     Throughout the weekend it all came together why that battle upstream had seemed so impossible. I have not been surrounding myself around a group of people who love the Lord and live for Him. In high school, I had a small group who met once a week. This year I have realized how important they were. They remained the same as others came in and out of my life. They held me accountable in my walk with Christ and helped me see things through His eyes.  

     I think it is so important to surround ourselves with a group of friends who love the Lord. They will be that steady rock in our lives as things change in life. They are able to help us look at situations that are hard through Christ's eyes. It does not mean we can't still be friends with others. We still get to! We get to shine light to them through our actions and love for them! I think it is made easier to be that light to others when we do have a solid group of friends who we can chat with about the Lord. If you are feeling weighted down as if your the only one traveling upstream, I encourage you to ask yourself: "Have I surrounded myself with a group who loves  the Lord?" 

     It was so hard for a while because I felt like there weren't many people here who loved and lived for the Lord. That was because I was looking in all the wrong places. I was surrounded my people who did not, which made it seem there weren't those who did. When we are able to step out of our plans, God can bring those people into our lives through His plans. 

     For me, I had to learn how to be myself, how to say no to earthly things, and how to live fully for God in every situation before I realized what was missing in life- a small group of friends who love the Lord. Y'all the joy that has come from being myself is indescribable. Yes there are times that can be very hard because others might not get my reasonings for saying no, but at the end of the day I can rejoice because I am being who God created me to be. God created you to be yourself and not the world. He wants you to live for Him through being yourself, not somebody else.

     If your having a hard time with being yourself because the pressure of earthly things, I encourage you to pray and ask for a small group to help you and hold you accountable. Pray for the strength and courage through Christ to say no to earthly things. Ask God to give you the desires of what you yourself enjoy doing and don't be afraid or timid to do them.

For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Philippians 4:18-20

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an inexpressible joy

inexpressible: to great to be expressed or uttered; indescribable

     So.. let me start with how this word came up in my vocabulary. I am not one to use a wide variety of word choices so the fact that this has stuck with me makes me so excited! And not only has it stuck with me as a word, but as a feeling of joy too. I was reading in the New Testament a few weeks back and in 1 Peter it describes a joy for God as inexpressible. I sat there for a while, thinking about that kind of joy and curious on what that feeling must be like. I continued on with my day and my week. The word inexpressible joy stuck with me though. I would say it a few times because I loved that word... inexpressible.

     Well... three days ago that joy fully came alive within me! It is still alive and burning inside me and my prayer is that it will never go away. I have not really done much the past three days, I have just been continuing on with my daily routines. But there has been something different about my daily routines... I cannot stop smiling. I am smiling at the joy for God that is in my heart. I do not know what He is doing, but He is doing something. Although my life seems pretty still, I cannot stop smiling, because I know God is at work. And that brings me joy!

     Back in January, I made the decision for God to take control of my life, fully. Not just when I wanted Him to, but as an everyday choice no matter what kind of day I would have. There was no turning back to my old ways, my plans... it was all His. And to let Him take full control, there had to be some adjusting in my life. I am going to be completely honest with you.. there were definitely some very difficult days but those days I relied on Him the most, and He got me through them. I have struggled throughout the time though with wanting to understand what He was doing, I just wanted to have a glimpse so I could get through each day. But He kept telling me no, you need faith in Me and in Me alone. He taught me I cannot just say it, I had to fully live in faith each and every day. He constantly reminded me 

I will make everything beautiful in its time. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mothers womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things. 

Ecclesiastes 11:5

     By relying on Him and His word alone, my faith has grown stronger everyday. I shout that! Because I am so blessed and so thankful! It has taken time for me to fully live by faith and He has been patient with me every single day. And by living in full faith of His timing and in His works, He has given me a joy that cannot be fully expressed. It is a joy that is inexpressible. It is a joy that has placed a huge smile on my face everyday, because He has plans for me that are far beyond my imaginations and my dreams. 

     I share this with you all because it is truly the greatest feeling. I no longer am fighting to understand His works. When we try to figure out His works, we are wasting our time and our energy. His works are His gift to us that we cannot understand. But we get to take it as a gift and be thankful and live in faith. It is a beautiful thing. When we stop trying to understand, we get to live in faith. And living in faith brings about an inexpressible joy. 

     Although I cant explain this joy to you that God has given me, my prayer is that you will let God bring you to your inexpressible joy for Him. Ask Him for it, let Him come in, let Him fully take over. Embrace the hardships it takes to fully live in Him because He is teaching you and growing you in so many ways. He will not fail you. Rely on Him and His word alone and see what He has in store for you, its going to be beautiful!

Though you have not seen him, you love him; 

and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him 

and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.

 1 Peter 1:8

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truth

     I was reading Christine Cain's blog earlier. And after reading a post, a saying stuck with me. "we cant just do church, we got to be church" Wow, it gives me the chills to even say it myself! Why do I get the chills? Because it is the truth. And whenever God speaks the truth to me, I get chills. Because I don't like to veer away from the truth, especially God's.
     Growing up my parents stressed the importance of obeying. And so I did, well for the most part. But whenever I disobeyed, the inside of me would ache so deeply. Even in the times when I did not get caught, I was still hurting inside. When I did disobey, that hurt feeling stuck with me. Even today, thinking back to times I disobeyed someone, I still feel the hurt and disappointment in myself like it was yesterday.
     When God speaks the truth to me, if I go and disobey Him, that hurt I just described is a million times worse. He tells us the truth, why then should we turn to the world looking for the truth? Friends can lie, family can even lie, this world can be filled with lies, all just to try and meet the needs of people, trying to be nice, to keep that 'safe relationship.' Y'all, I am convicted of lying by trying to protect people from getting hurt. But now, I am asking myself, "Kathryn, when someone lies to you don't you just wish they would have told you the truth?" So if your at all like me- then if that is how we want people to speak to us, shouldn't we always speak the truth?
     Let me shout, God is truth! He is real, He is honest. He is the only one we can fully and completely rely on to tell us the truth. How do we know then what He is saying if we can't always hear Him inside us? Two words.. the Bible. Hmm... sounds like a Sunday School answer? Yes! Even when we were in first grade, we were told to open the Bible for truth. The answer is still the same for us 10, 20, 30, 80, 100 years later.
     I have had the truth sitting in front of me for 19 years. Nineteen years y'all, I had it right in front of me but did not once sit down to really read it! I am all about truth too. I would look for magazines to tell me what I thought I needed to hear, I looked to people to tell me the truth, I looked to possessions, I looked to google, I looked everywhere. And what I can tell you from that mistake... if you want to try and justify what you are doing and look to the world, then you can find that 'answer' you are looking for. But now the question is, is it the truth?
     For nineteen years, I would not bring myself to read the bible. I blamed it on being boring... but in reality, I just didn't want to face the truth. Not only has the Bible provided me with the truth, it has provided me with support, love, comfort, satisfaction, hope, faith, understanding, confidence... everything I need, the Bible meets my needs. It is through God and in His truth, which is the only truth worth hearing and living for. The nineteen years I did not read the bible, I still believed in Him and had a relationship with Him. But let me tell you... as soon as I started hearing His Word and truth, that relationship grew and it grows everyday.
     It has been just three months since I have started reading the Bible. And as soon as I started, I have not, and still not wanted to stop. In fact, yesterday I thought I had lost it and I began to freak out because it literally felt like my life had just gone missing. After I found it, I realized, oh wow... the Bible is apart of my life, without it I would be lost! And it was such a cool feeling. Y'all... that is so true though. Without the Word, we are lost.
     I still make mistakes, everyday I do and I am able to open the Bible to be filled with hope, faith, support, comfort, confidence, understanding and love from God even after my mistakes. I can come to Him and be so honest about my mistakes and still be filled with an everlasting love. I can't describe how amazing and comforting it is to have the Bible. It is the first thing I turn to when I am half awake in the mornings, He gives me the foundation to start my day.
     My prayer is that the world will stop putting a judgement on the bible like I did for so many years. That no one would think of it as out-dated, non relatable. Because it is just the opposite, it is SO relatable, it is SO real.
     Open it, spend time in His word. I began with Ephesians... start in any chapter you like! Just open it! He will not let you down!

1 Timothy 

3:16 All Scriptures is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.

4:4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.

4:5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

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living in the now

         How many times have you wished you could jump forward in time or go back in time? For me, that has been too many. I have talked in another post about this topic, but God is still teaching me. I am thrilled about this summer, I do not know yet what I will be doing, but I get to be home for several months. I am thrilled just to see my family on an everyday basis and to have that support with me as I start my days.
     Okay, lets jump back in time... say a year ago. I was dying to graduate from my high school, to live away from my parents, and to experience college life. I thought it would be exactly what I needed. Although college has been exactly what I needed, I did not need it at this time in my life last year. There is absolutely a reason God has you in the place you are at right now. There is no doubt about it. But the question to ask ourselves: Am I letting Him work through me right now or am I not wanting to deal with the now by wishing for another time to come?
     As I am able to look back, I remember this time last year: I believed I was supposed to already be in college. How wrong was I! Jesus still had work to do within me, He had plans for me at home, plans that I tried to jump ahead of. And by my wishful thinkings, I missed out on experiencing the word "enjoy." I would not let myself enjoy the now I was living in because I so desperately believed I should be somewhere else.
     Y'all... we are living in sin when we don't live in the now. When we are not letting ourselves enjoy the present moment Jesus has given to us as a gift. The bible tells us it is not wise to ask the question, 'why were the old days better than these?' (Ecclesiastes 7:10)

 When God gives any man wealth and possessions and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work- this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart. Ecclesiastes 5:19-20

     It is so easily for our human mind's to wish and dream. I have learned over the years, my wishes and dreams were becoming out of control, which is when I learned I must let God in on them. The devil was using those times of wishful dreams to make my ways seem greater than what God could do. My dreams made me start focusing on my plans rather than God's plans for me. And God has been teaching me to hand my dreams over to Him. He has been teaching me how to communicate with Him and to share them with Him. When I do that, He is able to provide me with peace and understanding of His dreams for me. It enables me to stand in awe of Him and the gifts He has right in front of me.

Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God. 

Ecclesiastes 4:7

     My roommate and I were talking today about how excited we are for summer and a long break. But I kept catching myself, because I don't want to wish away these last six weeks. I am here, living during this time of my life for a reason. And my prayer for the rest of these six weeks is that I will fully live out His desires for my first year here. But, as we were talking about summer, He showed me I can still look forward to future times and get excited for what He has planned. I just don't have to wish away the now I am at.

     I encourage you to live in the now. To accept where you are in life as a gift from God and be thankful for this time. It might be a hard time, sad time, happy time, busy time... whatever type of time you are living in, know it is Christ your Lord and Savior working within you. His love will never run out on you! Be patient in Him and let His works be made beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 4).

Consider what God has done:

Who can straighten what he has made crooked?

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider:

God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 

Be joyful always, pray continuously, give thanks in all circumstances, 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

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overcoming stress

     How many times do we let the world and society bring unwanted stress upon us? Many times I feel as if the world is pulling me down, purposefully making me seem stress. We must stop letting the world win that battle. Satan knows when we become stress he can enter our lives, letting that weakness overcome us.
     Each day we wake up, stress can be knocking at our door. And we can make the choice to open it or not. We let it in so easily when we wake up forgetting about God and going straight into our activities. To acknowledge God, it can be a simple, "Good morning! God please guide me through this day." I am a strong believer in acknowledging God's Presence because it opens our hearts up for Him to come into our day and guide us.  I completely understand when the mornings get so hectic and we don't have time to sit down for an hour of quite time. But from experiences in the past, there is such a difference in my busy days when I acknowledge Him and when I forget to. When I acknowledge Him and ask for His guidance throughout the day, it brings peace among me in each activity. How many days have you woken up thinking it will be impossible to complete what has to be done? Are those the days you don't want to get out of bed because you don't want to face the world? Well, those days can be over!
     A recent week in my life: This past week of school was one of the most stressful weeks I have had this semester. I had mandatory events in my extracurricular activities- sorority, work, and younglife- along with three big tests. On Sunday, it would have been so easy to go ahead and give up on the week, looking at it as impossible. However, I knew God was going to get me through it, just like He has gotten me through everything else in life. I took everything as it came, when it came. Each morning I woke up, before even thinking what had to be done, I asked God to get me through the day. There were a couple mornings I had the time to spend a good few hours with Him and then there were a few days I did not. Even on the days I did not, I acknowledged Him and kept in constant communication with Him. He brought peace throughout each day and each event.
     I also want you to know, the past two months of my life, I have been acknowledging Him everyday. And I rejoice! It is such a blessing! Throughout my life, I have always known Him everyday, but what I did not do- was acknowledge Him everyday. And those days were way more than they should be. It is a such a gift that I have Jesus to help me through each day. There is a gift waiting for you each morning you wake up. Are you going to open the gift? Are you going to let yourself acknowledge God to get you through the day? Please do! And when you do, look forward to each day because He will never fail you.
     Starting in the middle of high school when my parents gave me the devotional, Jesus Calling, I began to make it a habit to read that one paragraph each morning before rushing out the door. Even on the mornings I was running late, I paused to make myself 45 seconds later. Each day it helped me become aware of God's presence. Continuing that habit for two years ended up effecting my life. Not only did He teach me something each day, God showed me the importance of needing to spend time with Him and acknowledging Him before going on into the day. Because when I don't acknowledge His presence, I begin to live in the world. And the world's way is a sinful place that can tear me into pieces. The world makes things in life look impossible, but God makes them possible.
     So, I ask you, where are you today? Have you been living in stress? Are you knowing God is there or are you acknowledging Him? I believe there is a huge difference between knowing and acknowledging. Acknowledging lets God come in and work through things.
     My prayer is for us to acknowledge God before we start the day and to stay in continuous communication with Him throughout the day. It is through acknowledging God everyday and staying in communication with Him everyday when we overcome stress. It is not just a one time choice, it is an everyday choice we get to make! Help yourself out today... open the gift God has given you, let Him help you today!

O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.
Isaiah 33:2


lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Matthew 19:26

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the love aroma

Dear friends, no one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 

1 John 4:12

    Why is it on mission trips we instantly and constantly start loving on people we do not know, but then, when we get back to our daily routines we don't show love to the people who pass by in our daily routines? Don't they need to see Jesus' love too? Its like we give an excuse that because this is our daily routine, we don't have time to treat every single person with love and respect. I'm not saying we are constantly telling ourselves that, but its like we live by that motto. And for me to say that brings the realization I am disobeying God. Because I am giving God an excuse for the command He has told: whoever loves God must also love his brother (1 John 4:21). What good does it do if I don't share Jesus' love? So what, if I have had a rough day or just a busy day, that is not an excuse for me not to show Jesus' love. We are living in a world that is drowned down by the Devil. And we who love Jesus, can overcome this world. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God (1 John 5:5). 

     As I have been spending the last two weeks studying for all of my exams, I sat my screensaver to pictures from my last mission trip in Belize from a year ago. Probably not the smartest idea when I should be studying, because every time they came up, I would spend quite the time watching them and reflecting on the memories. But thats okay, because even through my two weeks of dreadful studying, Jesus was still able to encourage and teach me. Something I noticed in each of the pictures, the smiles. Not just my smiles but the kids, the adults, the teams - every single person shined a smile that screamed Jesus. And as I looked at those pictures, a smile came onto my face. Then I began to think, people around me in the library are probably wondering why I am smiling so big, while everyone is in a miserable mood studying, here I am smiling. Thats it! Thats when it hit me, all I have to do is smile and show love in all that I do. Because even when people are in their worse mood, say for being in the library for the 6th hour straight, if they see a smile, its going to stand out to them. 

     I keep hearing this is the time, this is the time for our generation to rise and lift up Jesus and to overcome this world. And in order for it to happen, it needs to start now. Starting now with you and I. By loving each and every person. Not just when we aren't busy, but in every life situation. Not just to the people we like, but to everyone. And if we need to love when we are not in the best mood or to someone we don't particularly enjoy or when life is busy... before we do go out and love, lets come to Jesus in prayer. Ask Him for the guidance, strength, and courage to overcome the world for His namesake. Ask Him to take control what is holding you back from loving.

     For me, I have been praying about what it is I am called to do. Over the few months this thought has been occurring in my head and every time it does I just keep praying about it. "How when I am told to 'do something now' supposed to do something? I am a broke, college student who is just now beginning her studies." I did not want the excuse of me being a broke, college student to keep me from going and doing. Well, as I have been reading in the New Testament, Jesus has been laying on my heart the importance of loving on others, building each other up, encouraging each other. 

     So if your wondering where to start with 'doing something now,' start with loving. Jesus is love. The bible tells us that through our actions and truth, love is portrayed. And therefore, Jesus is being portrayed. The world needs more love, the world needs Jesus. When you go into a coffee shop, you leave there with that coffee smell. And as you encounter different people, they smell that coffee. Well love works the exact same way! Start the love aroma around you and your friends. 

     My prayer is that this generation wont give up and feel defeated because of our age. That we would start now. Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe (1 Timothy 4:12).  Even though we might be broke, college students... we can make a change. We can make a difference in this world, through showing our love. It does not have to be in a foreign country. It is right here. Right now to your college friends. In your college town. Where are you today? What are you doing today? Wherever you are, whatever you are doing... you can start doing something now. You can love. Because Jesus is love.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 

1 Peter 3:6

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:10

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daddy's girl

     Today is my dad's birthday! Being here in college, it makes me homesick not to be with my family on his birthday. We were blessed to spend time as a family for my mom's birthday, sister's birthday and my birthday. But I know my dad is thinking that its okay, because we got to be together for all of ours. And that brings him joy. He has always put Jesus first in his life and us three women second. And I admire that of him so much.
     Growing up as a kid, dad never persuaded me to be anyone but myself. If I wanted to be in dance, he let me. When I decided I wanted to play sports, he was thrilled and helped me. And even when I got to the age I was not enjoying sports anymore, he understood. When I got into high-school and wanted to do yearbook, he supported and encouraged me to do my best. Even during times when I struggle in life, he encourages me to be still and listen to Jesus and not to give up on His works. Even during hard times, he would bring the perfect laughter upon me. A laughter that reassured me, everything is going to be okay. Wherever I have been in life over the past 19 years, my dad has been right beside me for support. And through all the years of his encouragement, it has given me the strength to be no one but myself here in college.  I look at it like this, through the first 18 years, dad showed support and encouragement which has now provided me with confidence to be myself here in college where one can so easily become lost.
     He always showed me to let Jesus be in the driver's seat. And all I have to do is put my faith and hope in Him and life would be just fine. My dad never once has set me down and told me how to live my life. He showed me. He showed me through his actions and through his love. Not only did he show it inside our home, he shined it outside too. Rather it was in the grocery store, at church, at home, in the car... everywhere my dad goes and everyone he encounters... he shines Jesus's love.
     Reflecting over my dad's influence in my life, I see that it was not him. That it is all Jesus. It is Jesus who has been alive and working through him. And my dad has opened his heart to Jesus in everything he does. Through his love, kindness, patience, gentleness, encouragement, support, and so much more, it is all Jesus. My dad shines Jesus. He lives by faith, hope and love for Jesus Christ.
Not only has my dad been a huge influence through Jesus in my life, but my mom and sister have too. And we all play a role in our family to make us, "us." I love my mom and sister just as much as I love my dad, but today... we are celebrating our dad's birthday!
I am blessed and thankful for my family. And I know I can speak for all three of my dad's girls, we are blessed and thankful he is the head of our household.
     So... happy birthday to my dad!
     When I read this verse a few days ago, it reminded me of my dad and the way he lives each day.

Make it your ambition to lead a quite life, 

to mind your own business and to work with your hands.

So that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders 

and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

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stillness and patience

     For such a small five letter word, faith has a huge meaning. Not only does it have a definition meaning, it is how we as followers of Christ must live. We must have faith in Jesus Christ and we must live by our faith in Him.
     Back in the fifth grade we were given an assignment in english to write a poem about faith. I remember at the time thinking I don't even know how to write a poem and I for sure don't even understand what faith means. I do not exactly know what I wrote about that day, but maybe I can come across it in my memory box back home. But what I do clearly remember- realizing in fifth grade that faith has a huge meaning. I tried understanding it, but I could never wrap my brain around the word faith. This problem did not just come with the word faith, it came with other short words like love, joy, and peace.
     For this past week, Christ has really put the word faith on my heart. Not just as a simple word, but He has provided me with a time I must have faith in Him. And I cannot just say I have faith and go on not living any differently. I must live by my faith in Him. It is so easy at times for me to say I believe in Jesus and still do things my way. But who am I to say that and then not change my ways. Because how I used to live, I would try to figure out ways for me to help Jesus out. I lacked the faith that He can do all things, I believed He needed my help and my ideas. I so easily would not give Him enough time to accomplish what He was doing. So therefore, I would jump in. I look back and see my faith lacked in Him at times. Well, right now for a situation I am currently going through, Christ has called me to be still and to be patient. And while I am still and while I am patient, I am putting my faith in Him. And I must truly believe in my faith for Him. Let me tell you, it is hard to be still and to be patient. When the world's way is right at your fingertips, it would be so much easier. But it would be easier only for that moment. Because the world's way is temporary. It will only harm me down the road. And I have to remind myself of that every morning I wake up as God has called me during this time to be still and patient. For even though right now it may seem harder, His ways are everlasting. His ways will bring me satisfaction. Only is it that His ways can bring me pure joy.
     He has also been teaching me how to have faith in Him through my prayers. When I meet someone and see their potential in Jesus, my heart begins to care for them. I begin to pray for them. Right now, there has been two people Christ has really placed on my heart. I have been praying for one for the past few months and the other for several years. There are so many times I want to see what Christ is doing in their lives. To see if my prayers are working. But no, right now Jesus has called me to pray for them. That is all. And I must trust He is doing according to His will for them. I am not Jesus, I cannot do to them what Jesus can. I must wait and ask God to use me as a light to them when the time comes. I must believe in His works and in His timings. My prayers must be backed up with faith in Him. So right now, I am learning as I go. As He continues to place these prayers on my heart, I am also praying my faith in Him will be firm.
     So as Jesus has called me to be still, every single day I have to wake up and make the choice that I will continue to be still in Him. To be still and to let Him do His work. All I can do is pray and have faith in Him. And I do y'all. I truly do. And let me tell you, I am so thankful I do. I am thankful He has given me the opportunity to put my faith and trust in Him. I am thankful for everything He is teaching me.
     I encourage you to ask Christ for a time to be still and patient in Him. Ask Him to bring a time to test your faith in Him. He will allow you to grow in so many ways through standing firm in your faith in Him.

It is by faith you stand firm.

2 Corinthians 1:24

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Hope in Him

This week, I have been reading in the book of Romans. Last night, I came across a verse that was like a sparkling star waiting for me to read.

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his 

love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

Romans 5:5

Let me go back to a few months ago in my life. Through the month of December I kept hearing people say their hope was is in Christ Jesus. I remember questioning and thinking on what that meant exactly. I had basically concluded this: If I tell Jesus what I hope for, He would give to me.  As I was at Passion, I kept hearing to put your hope in Christ Jesus. Thinking I already knew what it meant, I was confident and excited because I had already told Him my hopes. He was going to give me what I was hoping for (and at this time in my life, I had my hope on something specific).  Well a few hours later, a feeling inside me kept saying I needed to re-look at what it meant. I did not know how to though. I kept praying I would understand though and that Jesus would teach me His meaning. I did not fully understand the entire meaning as I left Passion, and Christ did not stop working within me to understand it. I so badly wanted to be able to say "My hope is in Christ Jesus." Well as I got back to school, He was still explaining it to me each day. It was about two weeks into the semester, that it all concluded to me. Here is what He told me: 

"Put your hope in Me Kathryn. Put your Hope in Me alone. Do not put your hope in friends, boys, materialistic. All of those things are unstable and insecure. I am secure. I am stable. They will not bring you satisfaction. I will bring you satisfaction. Let the desire of your heart be the desires I have for you."

When He told me all this, I was thrilled! I texted my small group leader, "My hope is in Jesus!" I knew what it meant. Hope does not disappoint us. This made me think back through all the times my hope had disappointed me. Because it was my hope, for my desires. He wants our desires to be His desires. He wants us to put our hope in His desires. Let me be the one to tell you, if we keep on going day to day thinking our own desires are His desires then we will keep feeling disappointed. God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit. We are filled with His love in our hearts. His love is everlasting. Let His love bring us comfort and satisfaction. His love is stable, His love is secure. It will not leave us nor will it harm us. 

By the way- what I was hoping for at the beginning of Passion, Jesus did not have occur. But thats okay, it is great actually... because His desires are bringing me satisfaction and joy everyday. The thing I was hoping in, only would end up letting me down one day. 

And listen to the song Hope Now on my playlist to the right, by Addison Road... it is great! 

If you are one reading this confused about the word hope like I was... pray! Keep on praying and ask Christ to reveal to you what it means. And what it means to hope in Him. He wants to tell you! Let Him, ask Him! 

If you already understand this, lets start praying for the ones who don't! Lets pray for the ones around us who are like I was, confused and lost in my own meaning of hope.

Let our hope be lost within Christ Jesus.

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No Holding Back

This past weekend, I got to participate at my home church's DNOW. It was an absolute incredible weekend to be apart of. I went to my first DNOW in eighth grade. Each year I learned and grew so much in my walk with Jesus. This was the first year I got to be on the other side of things, leading a family group. I have one word to describe it, "wow!" It was such a cool experience. For me I felt less pressure... and your probably saying what?! after that comment. But its true. For so many years growing up, I loved Jesus but I made myself feel like I couldn't show how much I did love Him. I felt that way because of what others would think of me. I was afraid of losing friends. I was living inside a bubble that wanted to burst so badly, but I wouldn't let it. I limited myself to showing my full love for Jesus. Well being a college leader this weekend, I bursted out of that bubble. And let me be the one to tell you... it was great. I have a desire, and that desire is to show Jesus' love in all that I do. That others may see Jesus through me. For many years I have said a prayer that others would see Jesus through me. And Jesus has led me to understand in order for that to happen, I must not hold back. This weekend, I had Jesus with me. He gave me the confidence to show His love without fear of what the girls would think of me. I am not sure their thoughts of me but my prayer is that their thoughts wont be of me, that they will be of Jesus when they think of me. That they saw Jesus through me.
The theme word from this weekend was reveal. The girls from my group were a great group of girls. I see their love for Jesus and their desire to strengthen their relationship with Him. My prayer for them is that they wont hold back. That they will burst out of their bubble and fully show Christ's love in all they do. And I pray that everyday Christ will continue to reveal Himself to them and that they will let Him. That they will not hold back.
Jesus revealed a lot to myself this weekend as well. He showed me how much I do care for others.  That I want to share His love with everyone and not hold back, never again. I want to fully live on the edge for Jesus. He has given me the strength throughout the years and now its time, its time for me to go out. And I pray I will. I don't know exactly where that will lead to, but I am open to wherever it may be. And I know this is His plans not mine. For so many years I said I would not be a leader. That was my plans. Jesus has made it clear to me His plans for me are to share. And I have a burning desire to start sharing Jesus' love.
I don't know what the path looks like ahead of me. And I have no agenda. But I can fully announce to you and I shout... my plans are dead! I am living in Christ's plans for me... and I will share with you as He continues to reveal Himself to me everyday.
I pray if your reading this, that you will ask yourself, "Am I living in my plans or His plans?" For so many years I lived in my plans but assumed they were His. I pray that you wont hold back. That you will fully live in His plans. That you will let Him reveal Himself to you. Because He has great plans for you, plans that are far beyond your imagination.  But let Him in. Let Him show you. Don't hold back.

Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, 

who walk according to the law of the Lord. 

Blessed are they who keep his statuses 

and seek him with all their heart.

Psalm 119:1-2

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FamilyImpacts

For the first eighteen years of my life, I grew up seeing a family member every single day (okay so maybe a total of 4 weeks out of the eighteen years did I not, due to vacation trips). But the point I am seeing... everyday I saw or talked to a family member. They were there to start my day off and there when it ended. A simple "good morning, we love you" was such a great foundation to start my day. My family is aware of how emotional I can get and the stress I can bring upon myself. And looking back on those first eighteen years, they provided support for me through all of my different emotions of each day. They were so comforting and would let me "fall" when I collapsed. They would also push me out of my comfort zone and encourage me to do what I became afraid of doing, being myself. It was through their love, support, and comfort that Jesus used to strengthen me and to hold me up. Being here in college- I am realizing how much I miss that "in person" support. As much as I miss that support that was right in front of me, I know and believe God has me here in Auburn to teach me and to let me grow. I am so blessed and thankful for those first eighteen years of seeing them everyday. As I continue to grow and learn, now more independently, my family will always let me "fall" when I collapse and be my support no matter how far apart we are. And it is through their support and encouragement that has impacted me to be myself. Without my family I would not be able to be the person God created me to be.
This past weekend, I went with my suitemate to her hometown in Knoxville, Tennessee. She always talks about how much she loves it there. She has the biggest smile on her face when talking about it and of her family. Being around her and her family this weekend, I saw the impact each family member has on who she is. Her dad, mom, brother, sister and even sister-in-law. I could see each one of them in her, each in a different, unique way. And it was such a cool thing to see, because it all comes together on why she is who she is. She has an incredible family. A family who brings her happiness. 

Wherever we are in life, it is our family who is our biggest support. When we get upset with a family member, I pray that we will let God handle our actions towards it. Because the way we handle ourselves towards them, can affect their actions. Family members have a huge impact on who we are. I encourage us to be loving, caring, accepting and supportive of each member.  I encourage us to let our families know how much they mean to us. A little love can go a long way. And lets not forget to show that love to our family. Lets have a Christ-centered impact on our families.

Family

like branches on a tree, 

we all grow in different directions, 

yet our roots remain as one.

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have recieved. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit though the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:1-3

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Strength&Courage

I am so blessed and thankful for where I am in life. Being here in college has taught me so much. Everyday brings a new life lesson. Sometimes, those life lessons can be hard to accept. And when they are, all I can do is pray and let God work through them. Each day comes with a choice. A choice of accepting the day as it is or not.
Independence. This word describes a lot about college for me. Some people have a hard time in their transition to live independently. But for me I was thrilled to experience it. I love having the options to do what I want, when I want- all while managing my time and choices. Now there has been a lot of lessons I have had to learn. And they have not been easy. I have not always made the perfect choices, but I am allowing God to teach me how to live independently through the choices I make.

A few lessons I've gained:

Living independently requires self confidence in who I am and my beliefs. Not everyone I come across will have to agree with me nor will everyone like me. But I have to make the choice to have the confidence in who I am and who God has created me to be. I have to be willing to stand up for myself. Not who others want me to be.

Living independently, I have learned to accept its okay to be an outcast. I have to get over the fear of not knowing someone everywhere I go. I am learning how to handle myself and put myself out there to meet people. I can't let being afraid stop me from living. (This lesson is still very much being taught. I will admit, I still find myself holding back, but I keep praying for strength and courage).

It's very easy to let myself feel alone at times. I have even felt like there is no purpose for me and that no one cares. I'm not saying this is a constant feeling, but when it does arise I have to deal with it. And I have to be open and honest to God about it. I have to let God's love and peace feel me. He is the only one who is capable of fully satisfying me and all my needs. His love, is the greatest. He does have a purpose. And I pray He will not place that other person in my life to comfort me and be with me until I can fully learn this... to be completely satisfied in Jesus alone.  I am never alone, I have Jesus with me, at all times.

I've only been here for a semester and all that I have learned in that time, I am so thankful for. And I pray I will keep learning. It is shaping me into the person God has planned for me to be. And that gives me all the courage and strength I need to live each day to its fullest.
I am putting the verse from up top, down below with this entry because I believe it fits perfectly:

Lets be strong, lets be courageous, lets not be terrified! He is with us! He is going to provide us with the strength and courage we need each day to be ourselves. Lets set ourselves apart from others and not be afraid!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you may go. 

Joshua 1:9

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being content

Growing up, I have always had a weakness with wanting to be in the next stage of my life. For instance, in middle school, I could not wait to bolt out of my small private school and go to a new school. Then once I got to that new school, I realized I missed my old school and those friends. Then, all four years I spent in high school, I kept wishing upon college. And I hate having to admit to this, but even while I have been here in college I have been wishing for living the "young adult" life- meeting a future husband one day, planning our wedding, where we would live, where we would travel, what jobs we would have. And the invention of Pinterest just egged on all of my wishes and my desires for that next stage of my life.  Over Christmas break, Jesus brought that to my attention of what I was doing. I was letting my plans cover up His mysterious plans for me, that only He knows. And I have to be honest, it was really hard for me to admit to. I slowly started distancing my time on Pinterest, because it was where the Devil was attacking me. I realized, just a year ago I was wishing for this stage in my life of college and independence. Jesus told me, "Kathryn, stop wishing your life away." And to be honest with you, I was in denial of it for many years. Family and friends would tell me I was always believing the grass is greener somewhere else. I would not dare believe them though. My mind was in the habit of always seeing something and wanting that for my life.

After I accepted what I was doing wrong, I instantly went to God. He was the only one who could heal and forgive me from these years of sin. I started praying I would learn how to live in the moment and how to be content with where He has me in life. 

Well, today, a few weeks after I started praying... I found my wishes were turned into prayers!! When I would see others at a different stage in their life than mine, instead of wishing or being jealous, I was saying "I pray for when that time comes in my life."

He also showed me today I can be content with where I am in life, even if everything seems stressful and never ending. The next four days of my life are jammed packed. Not just with busy stuff to do, but also with heavy situations and major studying. It stresses me out if I try to think about it all by myself, but I am not. I am thinking about it with God getting me through it all. And that brings me joy and peace. And whats beautiful about it all for me, I am not wishing to be past these four days already. I am thankful for where I am. In the middle of it all. He is in control and He will not leave me. He will give me the strength to get through these days. I will learn from these days. My hope is in Him. 

I'm not saying its bad to think about the future, but when we think about the future, lets start praying about it. Not wishing for our own plans, but instead praying for HIS plans. That we will follow Him, wherever He leads us to. That we will trust.

Lets live in the moment! Lets be content with where we are in life. Lets look for the happiness and joy God has in store for us at this very moment and on this very day. 

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

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happiness.

What is it in your life that brings you happiness? No, the question is not what makes your friends happy nor is it asking what makes your family happy. The question is what makes you happy? Are you living the life you love?
This past Christmas I got a present from my younger cousins. It was a simple car smell good to hang over my rearview mirror. On it said, "Live the life you love." Ever since opening that a month ago, I have found myself repeating that quote over and over. By repeating it, Jesus began to challenge me. It became less of a statement and more of a question. "Kathryn, are you really living the life you love?" Several days, maybe even weeks, I woke up struggling with the question. Am I doing what I love? or Am I doing what other people love?  Praying through those questions and trying to discover the answer, Jesus kept pushing me through each day. Then, the statement that became a question went back to a statement, "Kathryn, don't be afraid to live the life you love." That was it! Jesus gave me the strength and the answer. I have been afraid to live the life that I love. After several days repeating "Kathryn, don't be afraid to live the life you love," Jesus gave me the strength to write down what it is that brings me true happiness. So, I wrote my list. Just by writing down what brings me happiness, made me happy. The things on my list, I saw would not fit on everyone's, its because I am different. We are all different. I was able to realize... I had been trying to find happiness in the world of others. But what about myself? What about the person Christ had created me to be? So I am now working on living the life Christ has planned for me and doing what it is that will bring me happiness. Such as this blog. I wanted a place I can just express my thoughts, share what I go through, share Christ's love.. being able to write brings me happiness. So I am going to invest in this blog as it brings me happiness.

Challenges: 

Make note of what brings you happiness and start doing it.

Don't be afraid to stand out and be different. After all, it's your life God has created for you, so make it y'alls, not theirs.
Smile. Always smile. Even if it might seem like everything is going wrong, SMILE. Because God is working within you and He has something instore. Smile... its contagious. I dare you to try.

Proverbs 15:13

A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

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Hello There!

So in case you are wondering who I am... I am a freshman in college living my life for Jesus. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. I learned and am still learning, since back in my freshman year of high school, that no matter how hard I strive to be perfect, I will never achieve. But what I do know, I can do anything and everything through Jesus, my Savior.
I often try to do everything myself, I have a hard time letting go of control. I am very inpatient and must admit, I like things to be done in my timing. But Jesus, He.. He knows my weaknesses. Even when I have a hard time confessing them, He knows. And to build my weaknesses into strength, He has been showing me His timing is everything. That His plans are greater than mine. That I will have to let go of my plans in order for His plans to be at work. For example, I came back to school this semester and had an idea of what it would be like, what I would do, who I would hang out with, where I would go. Can you guess how much of all that actually occurred? Yep, NONE. But I am not mad, I am blessed and I am thankful. As time passes by each event I had planned out in my head, He is able to explain and to show me why exactly that did not need to happen. I have struggled a lot these past few weeks with fully trusting His timing and not just giving up, but I keep praying for strength to trust in Him and to not give up. I want to live in His plans for me so badly. And in order to live in those plans, I must give up mine. Its a work in progress, I must be honest with you. But He isn't giving up on me and He will keep giving me the strength. And I must accept it.
Thats just a little, small glimpse of everything He is doing in my life today. He is always alive within me and teaching and showing me so much. I have found to obtain all those lessons He keeps showing me, it helps to write about them. Writing about what Jesus is doing in my life helps me reflect on all He is doing. That He is here. That He is alive. That He is not giving up on me. One fear of mine has always been to  share my writings and my thoughts. But recently over the past few weeks, He has been laying it on my heart to share. To share with others all that He is doing in my life, to shine His light for others to relate. And I so strongly believe we all have struggles. We all have problems. We all have happiness. We just all experience different emotions at different times. And I am wanting to share mine with y'all. I have written in journals, prayer journals and life journals, for the past five years of my life. And today, God gave me the strength to start sharing. He gave me the strength. I have always wanted to do a blog, but never thought what I had to say would matter. But that fear, God has taken away. I am not perfect, I just want to share my journey and my thoughts with others as I learn and grow in the life God has prepared for me. Join me!
I am not a grammatical expertise in writing by all means... so excuse me in advance! If I don't make since, I appologize. I often don't make since to myself. But join me, join me as I experience day to day happenings and reflect on them. I will admit my mistakes, I will admit my happiness. I want to chat about Jesus and what He is doing in me.

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