an inexpressible joy

inexpressible: to great to be expressed or uttered; indescribable

     So.. let me start with how this word came up in my vocabulary. I am not one to use a wide variety of word choices so the fact that this has stuck with me makes me so excited! And not only has it stuck with me as a word, but as a feeling of joy too. I was reading in the New Testament a few weeks back and in 1 Peter it describes a joy for God as inexpressible. I sat there for a while, thinking about that kind of joy and curious on what that feeling must be like. I continued on with my day and my week. The word inexpressible joy stuck with me though. I would say it a few times because I loved that word... inexpressible.

     Well... three days ago that joy fully came alive within me! It is still alive and burning inside me and my prayer is that it will never go away. I have not really done much the past three days, I have just been continuing on with my daily routines. But there has been something different about my daily routines... I cannot stop smiling. I am smiling at the joy for God that is in my heart. I do not know what He is doing, but He is doing something. Although my life seems pretty still, I cannot stop smiling, because I know God is at work. And that brings me joy!

     Back in January, I made the decision for God to take control of my life, fully. Not just when I wanted Him to, but as an everyday choice no matter what kind of day I would have. There was no turning back to my old ways, my plans... it was all His. And to let Him take full control, there had to be some adjusting in my life. I am going to be completely honest with you.. there were definitely some very difficult days but those days I relied on Him the most, and He got me through them. I have struggled throughout the time though with wanting to understand what He was doing, I just wanted to have a glimpse so I could get through each day. But He kept telling me no, you need faith in Me and in Me alone. He taught me I cannot just say it, I had to fully live in faith each and every day. He constantly reminded me 

I will make everything beautiful in its time. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mothers womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things. 

Ecclesiastes 11:5

     By relying on Him and His word alone, my faith has grown stronger everyday. I shout that! Because I am so blessed and so thankful! It has taken time for me to fully live by faith and He has been patient with me every single day. And by living in full faith of His timing and in His works, He has given me a joy that cannot be fully expressed. It is a joy that is inexpressible. It is a joy that has placed a huge smile on my face everyday, because He has plans for me that are far beyond my imaginations and my dreams. 

     I share this with you all because it is truly the greatest feeling. I no longer am fighting to understand His works. When we try to figure out His works, we are wasting our time and our energy. His works are His gift to us that we cannot understand. But we get to take it as a gift and be thankful and live in faith. It is a beautiful thing. When we stop trying to understand, we get to live in faith. And living in faith brings about an inexpressible joy. 

     Although I cant explain this joy to you that God has given me, my prayer is that you will let God bring you to your inexpressible joy for Him. Ask Him for it, let Him come in, let Him fully take over. Embrace the hardships it takes to fully live in Him because He is teaching you and growing you in so many ways. He will not fail you. Rely on Him and His word alone and see what He has in store for you, its going to be beautiful!

Though you have not seen him, you love him; 

and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him 

and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.

 1 Peter 1:8

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truth

     I was reading Christine Cain's blog earlier. And after reading a post, a saying stuck with me. "we cant just do church, we got to be church" Wow, it gives me the chills to even say it myself! Why do I get the chills? Because it is the truth. And whenever God speaks the truth to me, I get chills. Because I don't like to veer away from the truth, especially God's.
     Growing up my parents stressed the importance of obeying. And so I did, well for the most part. But whenever I disobeyed, the inside of me would ache so deeply. Even in the times when I did not get caught, I was still hurting inside. When I did disobey, that hurt feeling stuck with me. Even today, thinking back to times I disobeyed someone, I still feel the hurt and disappointment in myself like it was yesterday.
     When God speaks the truth to me, if I go and disobey Him, that hurt I just described is a million times worse. He tells us the truth, why then should we turn to the world looking for the truth? Friends can lie, family can even lie, this world can be filled with lies, all just to try and meet the needs of people, trying to be nice, to keep that 'safe relationship.' Y'all, I am convicted of lying by trying to protect people from getting hurt. But now, I am asking myself, "Kathryn, when someone lies to you don't you just wish they would have told you the truth?" So if your at all like me- then if that is how we want people to speak to us, shouldn't we always speak the truth?
     Let me shout, God is truth! He is real, He is honest. He is the only one we can fully and completely rely on to tell us the truth. How do we know then what He is saying if we can't always hear Him inside us? Two words.. the Bible. Hmm... sounds like a Sunday School answer? Yes! Even when we were in first grade, we were told to open the Bible for truth. The answer is still the same for us 10, 20, 30, 80, 100 years later.
     I have had the truth sitting in front of me for 19 years. Nineteen years y'all, I had it right in front of me but did not once sit down to really read it! I am all about truth too. I would look for magazines to tell me what I thought I needed to hear, I looked to people to tell me the truth, I looked to possessions, I looked to google, I looked everywhere. And what I can tell you from that mistake... if you want to try and justify what you are doing and look to the world, then you can find that 'answer' you are looking for. But now the question is, is it the truth?
     For nineteen years, I would not bring myself to read the bible. I blamed it on being boring... but in reality, I just didn't want to face the truth. Not only has the Bible provided me with the truth, it has provided me with support, love, comfort, satisfaction, hope, faith, understanding, confidence... everything I need, the Bible meets my needs. It is through God and in His truth, which is the only truth worth hearing and living for. The nineteen years I did not read the bible, I still believed in Him and had a relationship with Him. But let me tell you... as soon as I started hearing His Word and truth, that relationship grew and it grows everyday.
     It has been just three months since I have started reading the Bible. And as soon as I started, I have not, and still not wanted to stop. In fact, yesterday I thought I had lost it and I began to freak out because it literally felt like my life had just gone missing. After I found it, I realized, oh wow... the Bible is apart of my life, without it I would be lost! And it was such a cool feeling. Y'all... that is so true though. Without the Word, we are lost.
     I still make mistakes, everyday I do and I am able to open the Bible to be filled with hope, faith, support, comfort, confidence, understanding and love from God even after my mistakes. I can come to Him and be so honest about my mistakes and still be filled with an everlasting love. I can't describe how amazing and comforting it is to have the Bible. It is the first thing I turn to when I am half awake in the mornings, He gives me the foundation to start my day.
     My prayer is that the world will stop putting a judgement on the bible like I did for so many years. That no one would think of it as out-dated, non relatable. Because it is just the opposite, it is SO relatable, it is SO real.
     Open it, spend time in His word. I began with Ephesians... start in any chapter you like! Just open it! He will not let you down!

1 Timothy 

3:16 All Scriptures is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.

4:4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.

4:5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

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living in the now

         How many times have you wished you could jump forward in time or go back in time? For me, that has been too many. I have talked in another post about this topic, but God is still teaching me. I am thrilled about this summer, I do not know yet what I will be doing, but I get to be home for several months. I am thrilled just to see my family on an everyday basis and to have that support with me as I start my days.
     Okay, lets jump back in time... say a year ago. I was dying to graduate from my high school, to live away from my parents, and to experience college life. I thought it would be exactly what I needed. Although college has been exactly what I needed, I did not need it at this time in my life last year. There is absolutely a reason God has you in the place you are at right now. There is no doubt about it. But the question to ask ourselves: Am I letting Him work through me right now or am I not wanting to deal with the now by wishing for another time to come?
     As I am able to look back, I remember this time last year: I believed I was supposed to already be in college. How wrong was I! Jesus still had work to do within me, He had plans for me at home, plans that I tried to jump ahead of. And by my wishful thinkings, I missed out on experiencing the word "enjoy." I would not let myself enjoy the now I was living in because I so desperately believed I should be somewhere else.
     Y'all... we are living in sin when we don't live in the now. When we are not letting ourselves enjoy the present moment Jesus has given to us as a gift. The bible tells us it is not wise to ask the question, 'why were the old days better than these?' (Ecclesiastes 7:10)

 When God gives any man wealth and possessions and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work- this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart. Ecclesiastes 5:19-20

     It is so easily for our human mind's to wish and dream. I have learned over the years, my wishes and dreams were becoming out of control, which is when I learned I must let God in on them. The devil was using those times of wishful dreams to make my ways seem greater than what God could do. My dreams made me start focusing on my plans rather than God's plans for me. And God has been teaching me to hand my dreams over to Him. He has been teaching me how to communicate with Him and to share them with Him. When I do that, He is able to provide me with peace and understanding of His dreams for me. It enables me to stand in awe of Him and the gifts He has right in front of me.

Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God. 

Ecclesiastes 4:7

     My roommate and I were talking today about how excited we are for summer and a long break. But I kept catching myself, because I don't want to wish away these last six weeks. I am here, living during this time of my life for a reason. And my prayer for the rest of these six weeks is that I will fully live out His desires for my first year here. But, as we were talking about summer, He showed me I can still look forward to future times and get excited for what He has planned. I just don't have to wish away the now I am at.

     I encourage you to live in the now. To accept where you are in life as a gift from God and be thankful for this time. It might be a hard time, sad time, happy time, busy time... whatever type of time you are living in, know it is Christ your Lord and Savior working within you. His love will never run out on you! Be patient in Him and let His works be made beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 4).

Consider what God has done:

Who can straighten what he has made crooked?

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider:

God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 

Be joyful always, pray continuously, give thanks in all circumstances, 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

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overcoming stress

     How many times do we let the world and society bring unwanted stress upon us? Many times I feel as if the world is pulling me down, purposefully making me seem stress. We must stop letting the world win that battle. Satan knows when we become stress he can enter our lives, letting that weakness overcome us.
     Each day we wake up, stress can be knocking at our door. And we can make the choice to open it or not. We let it in so easily when we wake up forgetting about God and going straight into our activities. To acknowledge God, it can be a simple, "Good morning! God please guide me through this day." I am a strong believer in acknowledging God's Presence because it opens our hearts up for Him to come into our day and guide us.  I completely understand when the mornings get so hectic and we don't have time to sit down for an hour of quite time. But from experiences in the past, there is such a difference in my busy days when I acknowledge Him and when I forget to. When I acknowledge Him and ask for His guidance throughout the day, it brings peace among me in each activity. How many days have you woken up thinking it will be impossible to complete what has to be done? Are those the days you don't want to get out of bed because you don't want to face the world? Well, those days can be over!
     A recent week in my life: This past week of school was one of the most stressful weeks I have had this semester. I had mandatory events in my extracurricular activities- sorority, work, and younglife- along with three big tests. On Sunday, it would have been so easy to go ahead and give up on the week, looking at it as impossible. However, I knew God was going to get me through it, just like He has gotten me through everything else in life. I took everything as it came, when it came. Each morning I woke up, before even thinking what had to be done, I asked God to get me through the day. There were a couple mornings I had the time to spend a good few hours with Him and then there were a few days I did not. Even on the days I did not, I acknowledged Him and kept in constant communication with Him. He brought peace throughout each day and each event.
     I also want you to know, the past two months of my life, I have been acknowledging Him everyday. And I rejoice! It is such a blessing! Throughout my life, I have always known Him everyday, but what I did not do- was acknowledge Him everyday. And those days were way more than they should be. It is a such a gift that I have Jesus to help me through each day. There is a gift waiting for you each morning you wake up. Are you going to open the gift? Are you going to let yourself acknowledge God to get you through the day? Please do! And when you do, look forward to each day because He will never fail you.
     Starting in the middle of high school when my parents gave me the devotional, Jesus Calling, I began to make it a habit to read that one paragraph each morning before rushing out the door. Even on the mornings I was running late, I paused to make myself 45 seconds later. Each day it helped me become aware of God's presence. Continuing that habit for two years ended up effecting my life. Not only did He teach me something each day, God showed me the importance of needing to spend time with Him and acknowledging Him before going on into the day. Because when I don't acknowledge His presence, I begin to live in the world. And the world's way is a sinful place that can tear me into pieces. The world makes things in life look impossible, but God makes them possible.
     So, I ask you, where are you today? Have you been living in stress? Are you knowing God is there or are you acknowledging Him? I believe there is a huge difference between knowing and acknowledging. Acknowledging lets God come in and work through things.
     My prayer is for us to acknowledge God before we start the day and to stay in continuous communication with Him throughout the day. It is through acknowledging God everyday and staying in communication with Him everyday when we overcome stress. It is not just a one time choice, it is an everyday choice we get to make! Help yourself out today... open the gift God has given you, let Him help you today!

O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.
Isaiah 33:2


lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Matthew 19:26

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the love aroma

Dear friends, no one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 

1 John 4:12

    Why is it on mission trips we instantly and constantly start loving on people we do not know, but then, when we get back to our daily routines we don't show love to the people who pass by in our daily routines? Don't they need to see Jesus' love too? Its like we give an excuse that because this is our daily routine, we don't have time to treat every single person with love and respect. I'm not saying we are constantly telling ourselves that, but its like we live by that motto. And for me to say that brings the realization I am disobeying God. Because I am giving God an excuse for the command He has told: whoever loves God must also love his brother (1 John 4:21). What good does it do if I don't share Jesus' love? So what, if I have had a rough day or just a busy day, that is not an excuse for me not to show Jesus' love. We are living in a world that is drowned down by the Devil. And we who love Jesus, can overcome this world. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God (1 John 5:5). 

     As I have been spending the last two weeks studying for all of my exams, I sat my screensaver to pictures from my last mission trip in Belize from a year ago. Probably not the smartest idea when I should be studying, because every time they came up, I would spend quite the time watching them and reflecting on the memories. But thats okay, because even through my two weeks of dreadful studying, Jesus was still able to encourage and teach me. Something I noticed in each of the pictures, the smiles. Not just my smiles but the kids, the adults, the teams - every single person shined a smile that screamed Jesus. And as I looked at those pictures, a smile came onto my face. Then I began to think, people around me in the library are probably wondering why I am smiling so big, while everyone is in a miserable mood studying, here I am smiling. Thats it! Thats when it hit me, all I have to do is smile and show love in all that I do. Because even when people are in their worse mood, say for being in the library for the 6th hour straight, if they see a smile, its going to stand out to them. 

     I keep hearing this is the time, this is the time for our generation to rise and lift up Jesus and to overcome this world. And in order for it to happen, it needs to start now. Starting now with you and I. By loving each and every person. Not just when we aren't busy, but in every life situation. Not just to the people we like, but to everyone. And if we need to love when we are not in the best mood or to someone we don't particularly enjoy or when life is busy... before we do go out and love, lets come to Jesus in prayer. Ask Him for the guidance, strength, and courage to overcome the world for His namesake. Ask Him to take control what is holding you back from loving.

     For me, I have been praying about what it is I am called to do. Over the few months this thought has been occurring in my head and every time it does I just keep praying about it. "How when I am told to 'do something now' supposed to do something? I am a broke, college student who is just now beginning her studies." I did not want the excuse of me being a broke, college student to keep me from going and doing. Well, as I have been reading in the New Testament, Jesus has been laying on my heart the importance of loving on others, building each other up, encouraging each other. 

     So if your wondering where to start with 'doing something now,' start with loving. Jesus is love. The bible tells us that through our actions and truth, love is portrayed. And therefore, Jesus is being portrayed. The world needs more love, the world needs Jesus. When you go into a coffee shop, you leave there with that coffee smell. And as you encounter different people, they smell that coffee. Well love works the exact same way! Start the love aroma around you and your friends. 

     My prayer is that this generation wont give up and feel defeated because of our age. That we would start now. Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe (1 Timothy 4:12).  Even though we might be broke, college students... we can make a change. We can make a difference in this world, through showing our love. It does not have to be in a foreign country. It is right here. Right now to your college friends. In your college town. Where are you today? What are you doing today? Wherever you are, whatever you are doing... you can start doing something now. You can love. Because Jesus is love.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 

1 Peter 3:6

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:10

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daddy's girl

     Today is my dad's birthday! Being here in college, it makes me homesick not to be with my family on his birthday. We were blessed to spend time as a family for my mom's birthday, sister's birthday and my birthday. But I know my dad is thinking that its okay, because we got to be together for all of ours. And that brings him joy. He has always put Jesus first in his life and us three women second. And I admire that of him so much.
     Growing up as a kid, dad never persuaded me to be anyone but myself. If I wanted to be in dance, he let me. When I decided I wanted to play sports, he was thrilled and helped me. And even when I got to the age I was not enjoying sports anymore, he understood. When I got into high-school and wanted to do yearbook, he supported and encouraged me to do my best. Even during times when I struggle in life, he encourages me to be still and listen to Jesus and not to give up on His works. Even during hard times, he would bring the perfect laughter upon me. A laughter that reassured me, everything is going to be okay. Wherever I have been in life over the past 19 years, my dad has been right beside me for support. And through all the years of his encouragement, it has given me the strength to be no one but myself here in college.  I look at it like this, through the first 18 years, dad showed support and encouragement which has now provided me with confidence to be myself here in college where one can so easily become lost.
     He always showed me to let Jesus be in the driver's seat. And all I have to do is put my faith and hope in Him and life would be just fine. My dad never once has set me down and told me how to live my life. He showed me. He showed me through his actions and through his love. Not only did he show it inside our home, he shined it outside too. Rather it was in the grocery store, at church, at home, in the car... everywhere my dad goes and everyone he encounters... he shines Jesus's love.
     Reflecting over my dad's influence in my life, I see that it was not him. That it is all Jesus. It is Jesus who has been alive and working through him. And my dad has opened his heart to Jesus in everything he does. Through his love, kindness, patience, gentleness, encouragement, support, and so much more, it is all Jesus. My dad shines Jesus. He lives by faith, hope and love for Jesus Christ.
Not only has my dad been a huge influence through Jesus in my life, but my mom and sister have too. And we all play a role in our family to make us, "us." I love my mom and sister just as much as I love my dad, but today... we are celebrating our dad's birthday!
I am blessed and thankful for my family. And I know I can speak for all three of my dad's girls, we are blessed and thankful he is the head of our household.
     So... happy birthday to my dad!
     When I read this verse a few days ago, it reminded me of my dad and the way he lives each day.

Make it your ambition to lead a quite life, 

to mind your own business and to work with your hands.

So that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders 

and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

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stillness and patience

     For such a small five letter word, faith has a huge meaning. Not only does it have a definition meaning, it is how we as followers of Christ must live. We must have faith in Jesus Christ and we must live by our faith in Him.
     Back in the fifth grade we were given an assignment in english to write a poem about faith. I remember at the time thinking I don't even know how to write a poem and I for sure don't even understand what faith means. I do not exactly know what I wrote about that day, but maybe I can come across it in my memory box back home. But what I do clearly remember- realizing in fifth grade that faith has a huge meaning. I tried understanding it, but I could never wrap my brain around the word faith. This problem did not just come with the word faith, it came with other short words like love, joy, and peace.
     For this past week, Christ has really put the word faith on my heart. Not just as a simple word, but He has provided me with a time I must have faith in Him. And I cannot just say I have faith and go on not living any differently. I must live by my faith in Him. It is so easy at times for me to say I believe in Jesus and still do things my way. But who am I to say that and then not change my ways. Because how I used to live, I would try to figure out ways for me to help Jesus out. I lacked the faith that He can do all things, I believed He needed my help and my ideas. I so easily would not give Him enough time to accomplish what He was doing. So therefore, I would jump in. I look back and see my faith lacked in Him at times. Well, right now for a situation I am currently going through, Christ has called me to be still and to be patient. And while I am still and while I am patient, I am putting my faith in Him. And I must truly believe in my faith for Him. Let me tell you, it is hard to be still and to be patient. When the world's way is right at your fingertips, it would be so much easier. But it would be easier only for that moment. Because the world's way is temporary. It will only harm me down the road. And I have to remind myself of that every morning I wake up as God has called me during this time to be still and patient. For even though right now it may seem harder, His ways are everlasting. His ways will bring me satisfaction. Only is it that His ways can bring me pure joy.
     He has also been teaching me how to have faith in Him through my prayers. When I meet someone and see their potential in Jesus, my heart begins to care for them. I begin to pray for them. Right now, there has been two people Christ has really placed on my heart. I have been praying for one for the past few months and the other for several years. There are so many times I want to see what Christ is doing in their lives. To see if my prayers are working. But no, right now Jesus has called me to pray for them. That is all. And I must trust He is doing according to His will for them. I am not Jesus, I cannot do to them what Jesus can. I must wait and ask God to use me as a light to them when the time comes. I must believe in His works and in His timings. My prayers must be backed up with faith in Him. So right now, I am learning as I go. As He continues to place these prayers on my heart, I am also praying my faith in Him will be firm.
     So as Jesus has called me to be still, every single day I have to wake up and make the choice that I will continue to be still in Him. To be still and to let Him do His work. All I can do is pray and have faith in Him. And I do y'all. I truly do. And let me tell you, I am so thankful I do. I am thankful He has given me the opportunity to put my faith and trust in Him. I am thankful for everything He is teaching me.
     I encourage you to ask Christ for a time to be still and patient in Him. Ask Him to bring a time to test your faith in Him. He will allow you to grow in so many ways through standing firm in your faith in Him.

It is by faith you stand firm.

2 Corinthians 1:24

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