As I entered college two questions kept coming up in my thoughts, are you being yourself and are you truly living for Christ as you say you want to? The first semester I would put them aside and make excuses for them. When I would make excuses the main one that kept occurring consisted of, 'I am still young, I don't know everything, and I have a lot more to learn.' I am ashamed for making those excuses because in reality I kept searching for knowing it all. And what is so beautiful of God's work, He doesn't call us to know it all. He calls us to act upon what we already know. In Philippians 3:16 it says, Only let us live up to we have already attained. He calls us to live out what we have learned and by doing so we will learn even more.
Over Christmas break, I had time to reflect on those questions. I could not make anymore excuses and I am so thankful Christ gave me a month of not much going on in my life so I could sit and reflect on them. In verse 17, Paul tells us, Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep our eyes on those who live as we do. Over that month, my sister and I had a lot of time we spent in our rooms together. Through being around her, I saw the joy and trust she had in the Lord. And as I thought back to her college years, that joy and trust in the Lord remained in her. She was able to be herself and say no to earthly things. Her eyes were fixed upon Christ. God encouraged me through her college years that I too can come back to Auburn and be myself and to live all for Him and not for earthly things. It was being surrounded by earthly things that kept making me feel it was impossible to get out of.
I am going to be honest with y'all, there had to be a change. There had to be a change in so many areas of my life where I had been living for earthly things before. Those changes were not necessarily easy, they were rather hard. At times it felt like I was traveling upstream by myself. However, I had God and His word which I kept falling back onto. He kept getting me through each situation and He continues to do so. When my heart desired to be myself, it hurt because not many of the friends I had made had the same desires I had. It was during that time, I realized many of the people in my life had their eyes more concerned for earthly things. Being around them everyday made that battle upstream seem impossible. It began to wear me out by always telling them no. I began to question, is there anyone who desires are like mine? I kept praying and asking for those people to be brought into my life.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to camp with a group of people with the same desires I had. God kept encouraging me to go. But I was hesitant because I only knew one person out of the 12 people. And those 12 people had all known each other. However, I ended up going because God assured me He was going to comfort me and get me through it. So, as I was there and we were around the campfire, I was able to hear them talk and they all shined the desire to live for the Lord and they do.
Throughout the weekend it all came together why that battle upstream had seemed so impossible. I have not been surrounding myself around a group of people who love the Lord and live for Him. In high school, I had a small group who met once a week. This year I have realized how important they were. They remained the same as others came in and out of my life. They held me accountable in my walk with Christ and helped me see things through His eyes.
I think it is so important to surround ourselves with a group of friends who love the Lord. They will be that steady rock in our lives as things change in life. They are able to help us look at situations that are hard through Christ's eyes. It does not mean we can't still be friends with others. We still get to! We get to shine light to them through our actions and love for them! I think it is made easier to be that light to others when we do have a solid group of friends who we can chat with about the Lord. If you are feeling weighted down as if your the only one traveling upstream, I encourage you to ask yourself: "Have I surrounded myself with a group who loves the Lord?"
It was so hard for a while because I felt like there weren't many people here who loved and lived for the Lord. That was because I was looking in all the wrong places. I was surrounded my people who did not, which made it seem there weren't those who did. When we are able to step out of our plans, God can bring those people into our lives through His plans.
For me, I had to learn how to be myself, how to say no to earthly things, and how to live fully for God in every situation before I realized what was missing in life- a small group of friends who love the Lord. Y'all the joy that has come from being myself is indescribable. Yes there are times that can be very hard because others might not get my reasonings for saying no, but at the end of the day I can rejoice because I am being who God created me to be. God created you to be yourself and not the world. He wants you to live for Him through being yourself, not somebody else.
If your having a hard time with being yourself because the pressure of earthly things, I encourage you to pray and ask for a small group to help you and hold you accountable. Pray for the strength and courage through Christ to say no to earthly things. Ask God to give you the desires of what you yourself enjoy doing and don't be afraid or timid to do them.
For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.
Philippians 4:18-20
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