Strength&Courage

I am so blessed and thankful for where I am in life. Being here in college has taught me so much. Everyday brings a new life lesson. Sometimes, those life lessons can be hard to accept. And when they are, all I can do is pray and let God work through them. Each day comes with a choice. A choice of accepting the day as it is or not.
Independence. This word describes a lot about college for me. Some people have a hard time in their transition to live independently. But for me I was thrilled to experience it. I love having the options to do what I want, when I want- all while managing my time and choices. Now there has been a lot of lessons I have had to learn. And they have not been easy. I have not always made the perfect choices, but I am allowing God to teach me how to live independently through the choices I make.

A few lessons I've gained:

Living independently requires self confidence in who I am and my beliefs. Not everyone I come across will have to agree with me nor will everyone like me. But I have to make the choice to have the confidence in who I am and who God has created me to be. I have to be willing to stand up for myself. Not who others want me to be.

Living independently, I have learned to accept its okay to be an outcast. I have to get over the fear of not knowing someone everywhere I go. I am learning how to handle myself and put myself out there to meet people. I can't let being afraid stop me from living. (This lesson is still very much being taught. I will admit, I still find myself holding back, but I keep praying for strength and courage).

It's very easy to let myself feel alone at times. I have even felt like there is no purpose for me and that no one cares. I'm not saying this is a constant feeling, but when it does arise I have to deal with it. And I have to be open and honest to God about it. I have to let God's love and peace feel me. He is the only one who is capable of fully satisfying me and all my needs. His love, is the greatest. He does have a purpose. And I pray He will not place that other person in my life to comfort me and be with me until I can fully learn this... to be completely satisfied in Jesus alone.  I am never alone, I have Jesus with me, at all times.

I've only been here for a semester and all that I have learned in that time, I am so thankful for. And I pray I will keep learning. It is shaping me into the person God has planned for me to be. And that gives me all the courage and strength I need to live each day to its fullest.
I am putting the verse from up top, down below with this entry because I believe it fits perfectly:

Lets be strong, lets be courageous, lets not be terrified! He is with us! He is going to provide us with the strength and courage we need each day to be ourselves. Lets set ourselves apart from others and not be afraid!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you may go. 

Joshua 1:9

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being content

Growing up, I have always had a weakness with wanting to be in the next stage of my life. For instance, in middle school, I could not wait to bolt out of my small private school and go to a new school. Then once I got to that new school, I realized I missed my old school and those friends. Then, all four years I spent in high school, I kept wishing upon college. And I hate having to admit to this, but even while I have been here in college I have been wishing for living the "young adult" life- meeting a future husband one day, planning our wedding, where we would live, where we would travel, what jobs we would have. And the invention of Pinterest just egged on all of my wishes and my desires for that next stage of my life.  Over Christmas break, Jesus brought that to my attention of what I was doing. I was letting my plans cover up His mysterious plans for me, that only He knows. And I have to be honest, it was really hard for me to admit to. I slowly started distancing my time on Pinterest, because it was where the Devil was attacking me. I realized, just a year ago I was wishing for this stage in my life of college and independence. Jesus told me, "Kathryn, stop wishing your life away." And to be honest with you, I was in denial of it for many years. Family and friends would tell me I was always believing the grass is greener somewhere else. I would not dare believe them though. My mind was in the habit of always seeing something and wanting that for my life.

After I accepted what I was doing wrong, I instantly went to God. He was the only one who could heal and forgive me from these years of sin. I started praying I would learn how to live in the moment and how to be content with where He has me in life. 

Well, today, a few weeks after I started praying... I found my wishes were turned into prayers!! When I would see others at a different stage in their life than mine, instead of wishing or being jealous, I was saying "I pray for when that time comes in my life."

He also showed me today I can be content with where I am in life, even if everything seems stressful and never ending. The next four days of my life are jammed packed. Not just with busy stuff to do, but also with heavy situations and major studying. It stresses me out if I try to think about it all by myself, but I am not. I am thinking about it with God getting me through it all. And that brings me joy and peace. And whats beautiful about it all for me, I am not wishing to be past these four days already. I am thankful for where I am. In the middle of it all. He is in control and He will not leave me. He will give me the strength to get through these days. I will learn from these days. My hope is in Him. 

I'm not saying its bad to think about the future, but when we think about the future, lets start praying about it. Not wishing for our own plans, but instead praying for HIS plans. That we will follow Him, wherever He leads us to. That we will trust.

Lets live in the moment! Lets be content with where we are in life. Lets look for the happiness and joy God has in store for us at this very moment and on this very day. 

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

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happiness.

What is it in your life that brings you happiness? No, the question is not what makes your friends happy nor is it asking what makes your family happy. The question is what makes you happy? Are you living the life you love?
This past Christmas I got a present from my younger cousins. It was a simple car smell good to hang over my rearview mirror. On it said, "Live the life you love." Ever since opening that a month ago, I have found myself repeating that quote over and over. By repeating it, Jesus began to challenge me. It became less of a statement and more of a question. "Kathryn, are you really living the life you love?" Several days, maybe even weeks, I woke up struggling with the question. Am I doing what I love? or Am I doing what other people love?  Praying through those questions and trying to discover the answer, Jesus kept pushing me through each day. Then, the statement that became a question went back to a statement, "Kathryn, don't be afraid to live the life you love." That was it! Jesus gave me the strength and the answer. I have been afraid to live the life that I love. After several days repeating "Kathryn, don't be afraid to live the life you love," Jesus gave me the strength to write down what it is that brings me true happiness. So, I wrote my list. Just by writing down what brings me happiness, made me happy. The things on my list, I saw would not fit on everyone's, its because I am different. We are all different. I was able to realize... I had been trying to find happiness in the world of others. But what about myself? What about the person Christ had created me to be? So I am now working on living the life Christ has planned for me and doing what it is that will bring me happiness. Such as this blog. I wanted a place I can just express my thoughts, share what I go through, share Christ's love.. being able to write brings me happiness. So I am going to invest in this blog as it brings me happiness.

Challenges: 

Make note of what brings you happiness and start doing it.

Don't be afraid to stand out and be different. After all, it's your life God has created for you, so make it y'alls, not theirs.
Smile. Always smile. Even if it might seem like everything is going wrong, SMILE. Because God is working within you and He has something instore. Smile... its contagious. I dare you to try.

Proverbs 15:13

A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

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Hello There!

So in case you are wondering who I am... I am a freshman in college living my life for Jesus. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. I learned and am still learning, since back in my freshman year of high school, that no matter how hard I strive to be perfect, I will never achieve. But what I do know, I can do anything and everything through Jesus, my Savior.
I often try to do everything myself, I have a hard time letting go of control. I am very inpatient and must admit, I like things to be done in my timing. But Jesus, He.. He knows my weaknesses. Even when I have a hard time confessing them, He knows. And to build my weaknesses into strength, He has been showing me His timing is everything. That His plans are greater than mine. That I will have to let go of my plans in order for His plans to be at work. For example, I came back to school this semester and had an idea of what it would be like, what I would do, who I would hang out with, where I would go. Can you guess how much of all that actually occurred? Yep, NONE. But I am not mad, I am blessed and I am thankful. As time passes by each event I had planned out in my head, He is able to explain and to show me why exactly that did not need to happen. I have struggled a lot these past few weeks with fully trusting His timing and not just giving up, but I keep praying for strength to trust in Him and to not give up. I want to live in His plans for me so badly. And in order to live in those plans, I must give up mine. Its a work in progress, I must be honest with you. But He isn't giving up on me and He will keep giving me the strength. And I must accept it.
Thats just a little, small glimpse of everything He is doing in my life today. He is always alive within me and teaching and showing me so much. I have found to obtain all those lessons He keeps showing me, it helps to write about them. Writing about what Jesus is doing in my life helps me reflect on all He is doing. That He is here. That He is alive. That He is not giving up on me. One fear of mine has always been to  share my writings and my thoughts. But recently over the past few weeks, He has been laying it on my heart to share. To share with others all that He is doing in my life, to shine His light for others to relate. And I so strongly believe we all have struggles. We all have problems. We all have happiness. We just all experience different emotions at different times. And I am wanting to share mine with y'all. I have written in journals, prayer journals and life journals, for the past five years of my life. And today, God gave me the strength to start sharing. He gave me the strength. I have always wanted to do a blog, but never thought what I had to say would matter. But that fear, God has taken away. I am not perfect, I just want to share my journey and my thoughts with others as I learn and grow in the life God has prepared for me. Join me!
I am not a grammatical expertise in writing by all means... so excuse me in advance! If I don't make since, I appologize. I often don't make since to myself. But join me, join me as I experience day to day happenings and reflect on them. I will admit my mistakes, I will admit my happiness. I want to chat about Jesus and what He is doing in me.

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